Friday, June 12, 2009

Happy Birthday, Alison Tyler!

Happy Birthday, Alison! It’s hard to think of the right gift to give a woman who has everything, or will once all your smut-writing well-wishers in this world-wide blog birthday have presented their imaginative offerings. But I did want to express my appreciation for all you do for erotica and erotica authors--as a fabulously hot writer, a courteous editor and a friggin' fun blogger--with a little food, a little sex and a little sampling of things Japanese.

Although I like to write a dirty tale now and then and certainly hope my work is “effective,” out there in the so-called real world, my favorite way to reduce people to wobbly-kneed, salivating love slaves is with my cookies. In honor of your birthday, I’d like to present you with a whole box of my signature treats—pecan pie cookies, vanilla spoon cookies sandwiched with raspberry jam, three-layered, almond cake Venetians glazed with chocolate, and spicy Dutch almond cookies with marzipan filling. Feel free to eat more than one--it's your birthday!

While you’re sampling the birthday sweets, I’d also like to offer my services in the single area of my life where I show a talent for organization. That is, of course, my impressively neat sex toy draw. Not only is everything tidy and properly folded, but—this may not be immediately obvious--the items are catalogued and arranged in alphabetical order, from anal beads to XXX-rated vintage porn (this isn’t true, but it sounds good, doesn’t it?).

As my special birthday gift, I’d be happy to transform your drawer...

...into mine...
...slipping in a Hello Kitty thong and a few secret Japanese potions (introduced to me by Neve Black), while you are otherwise occupied with the next adventure….
Finally, I believe birthdays are a time for a special trip away from the ordinary, so I’m enclosing two plane tickets to Japan, where you and Sam can spend the weekend at my favorite hot spring inn, called Chojukan, in the mountains of Gunma prefecture. The inn’s nineteenth-century grand bath allows men and women to soak together in the old custom, a rarity in Japan today. After midnight, adventurous couples have been known to do other things, too!

In between luxurious baths, you’ll be served luxurious feasts like the one pictured above--sure to satisfy any hankering for sushi. Don’t forget to save room for a few cookies for dessert.

Otanjobi omedeto! (bowing my wishes for a very Happy Birthday to you)!


Alison Tyler said...

Thank you thank you thank you! And I did need your awesome organizational skills. You are fabulous!


Jeremy Edwards said...

I love the idea of the alphabetized sex-toy drawer! Of course, another alternative would be the Dewey Decimal System—wherein, for example, a rabbit vibe would be under 508, Natural History.

Donna said...

Brilliant, J! I love the Dewey Decimal System, so poetic in its way, but I had so many items, only the Library of Congress classification system could handle it ;-).

EllaRegina said...

(I love Jeremy's organizational brain).

In your case, Donna, I think it's the "Do We" Decimal System. As in "Do we? We, do, oui, and how, do we ever!!"

Donna said...

Jeremy is not only admirably organized, he makes it fun and sexy! And ER, I always said you were a magician with words, but with this you reach new heights, lol. I probably should mention in terms of what we do, the school girl uniform doesn't fit in that drawer. It's in the other one, but of course, that is equally neat and tidy. I probably should slip one of those into Alison's birthday drawer, too!

Alison Tyler said...

Why not just slip it on me, instead?


Emerald said...

Indeed, lol, I almost took a picture of my schoolgirl outfit too.

A lovely post Donna — and the idea of your organizing everyone's drawers does indeed seem appealing somehow, doesn't it? ;)

Donna said...

Excellent idea, Alison. Saving time is the heart of efficiency!

Hmm, Emerald, are we looking at an "erotica writers in school girl uniform" photo series here? I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

EllaRegina said...

Ooops! Typo!

This is right, but I guess I got my point across: :-)

"Do we? We do, oui -- and how -- do we ever!!"

PS: Do Girl Scout uniforms count? I can still fit into mine.

Word: feliz


Donna said...

Omg ER (have I slowly entered the IM culture or what?), I think Girl Scout uniforms count triple! Would love to see a pic, from the neck down, of course ;-).