Friday, July 17, 2009

When You Have Sex, You Always Need....?

I hear this is typical of teenagers, but my oldest is pretty tight-lipped about what's going on in his life most of the day. But come nine in the evening and he opens up like a wonderful book, a beautiful flower, a bottle of good wine. That's when we have our best talks, that's when we get to know the new adult he's becoming.

Yesterday I took him to the doctor to get the required physical to play on a sports team in high school and because he's a teenager now, there's a part of the exam that state law requires is confidential, meaning mom is kicked out of the examination room. I actually think this is a great thing for kids, but it's yet another reminder of his growing up. He didn't say much about what went on behind closed doors until, of course, after nine pm last night.

Apparently (and not surprisingly) the doctor asked him questions about use of cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol. He also asked him "Now remember, if you decide to have sex, you should always use....?" My son knew he was supposed to fill in the blank. And he had a very good idea of what he was supposed to say. Condom. But for an instant his mind was floundering for another possible correct answer. What would the right answer be?

When you have sex, you always need....a girl?

When you have sex, you always need....a bed?

We were all laughing at these replies, when dad chimed in with: When you have sex, you always put on a Barry White tune to set the mood.

Which got me wondering, when you have sex, what do you always need?


Herr Dr DGS said...

All I need is you and this.

They say too much of anything can't good for you, but I don't know about that ... it's just not enough, just not enough.

Danielle said...

..ah even before i came to barry white my first thought was sade..the singer not the aristocrat...:-)

but what i really need is.."good lightning"..candles...dimmed light..twillight...late evening or early morning light...everything but please no sun...i m a night person..hehe*...thats why i like it all night long but never have been a morning sex-er....

hm..everytime i answer a question like this i wonder how much information isn too much information???..:-)

Donna said...

Hi, HDDGS, thank you for that link. I must admit I'm surprised the Barry White song is only four minutes. It always feels like forty, but depending on the situation, that's a good thing ;-).

Sade is good, too, Danielle! Her first album came out around the time Herr Doktor and I met, so it has special meaning. And around here, there's never too much information. Knowledge is power, so feel free to continue. Proper lighting is magic, isn't it. Candles and lanterns are a favorite, softly glowing Japanese paper lanterns are pretty cool, too.

Nikki Magennis said...


; )

Donna said...

So true, Nikki!

Depends on the partner, of course, but these days, it's just as Barry W. says.

Jeremy Edwards said...

[Laughing too hard at the Barry White line to think of an answer.(Not knocking the erotic power of BW's music, of course; but the way HDDGS introduced it in your anecdote was hilarious.) "More" is a pretty fantastic response, too.]

Alana Noel Voth said...

Fresh breath.

Jeremy Edwards said...

Times New Roman 12 point, double spaced, with half-inch indents.

Donna said...

Alana and Jeremy, love the possibilities of this!

The gum companies would love to quote you, Alana, I'm sure.

I prefer my sex in Palatino, but change it when I send off the submissions. Palatino is way sexier, imo :-).

Danielle said...

hm..i think i stick with nikki and alana...:-)..well chosen..:-)

Erobintica said...

sometimes I need serif, sometimes sans

EllaRegina said...

What really impresses me here is that the doctor said:

if you decide to have sex.

None of this abstinence crap, no pretending sexual feelings magically pop up at the age of majority or on one's wedding night. Just bird and bee realism, treating your son with respect and, ultimately, making it about his choice. (The if part -- or maybe I'm over-parsing here.) Anyway, kudos all around!)

I'm going to move myself and my invisible children to California.

Emerald said...

What a cool fricking conversation (with your son, I mean — not that this one in the comments hasn't been entertaining!).

I myself agree with you, ER — I like the way the doctor phrased it too.

I guess in answer to the question you asked, Ms. Donna...actually I don't know the answer for me. I don't think I've ever thought of anything as singularly necessary for sex — except in many instances, ironically, a condom! Ha.

Thanks for sharing this. It's lovely to hear a (not surprising) account of a genuine, respectful conversation about sex between adolescent and respective parent(s). :)

Jeremy Edwards said...

I, too, am very impressed with the doctor, the California law, and the young man's parents!

I'm glad you mentioned sexy fonts, Donna! In the days when I was writing occasional erotica just for myself, I used Book Antiqua, which to my eye is quite similar to Palatino and which I thought gave the text a sensuous, elegant look. Now I'm in the habit of just using Times from the get-go for everything; but it gives me a frisson to go back and look at one of my old Book Antiqua manuscripts (as I did just now). I can feel the intimacy of my private writing in its Book Antiqua lingerie.

Donna said...

Yes, ER, although California is the state that passed Proposition 8, we have a lot of enlightened things going on, especially in this part of the purple state. I thought it was really cool, too, that a medical professional accepted this was going to happen eventually and it was important to pass along information to keep him safe. And the sex education at his school in eighth grade was really quite impressive, especially compared to the lame gym class version I had.

And thanks, Emerald. We try our best to be laid back parents, so to speak. It's easy if you start early and answer questions, age appropriately, as they come up. Then there's no big, scary transition or "birds and bees talk." It just all comes out gradually.

Hey Jeremy, I have to look up Book Antiqua. I'm guessing editors give those requirements because they get hot pink Gothic print from some people, but I still cling to my private preferences for the creative phase!

Craig Sorensen said...

Had to think about this one.

What is truly essential?


Verification word: etheryl

Was my answer etheryl enough?

Donna said...

Desire, indeed, Craig. For sex worth having, anyway!

I'll bet that doctor would be amused by our answers, lol.

D. L. King said...

A rope?

Sorry, sorry...just had to do it!

Donna said...

Ah, yes, but the point is, D.L., the answer is different--and right--for everyone!

I'm glad you did ;-).