Your Erotic Personality: Identifying and Understanding Your Sexual Self

Okay, this shouldn’t be a surprise given the fact I write erotica, but the truth is I not only spend a lot of time writing about sex, I like to think about it and read about it, too. The reading part, of course, is also research for the writing, but it tends to be enjoyable as well as educational. I was expecting a good read when I picked up Sage Vivant’s Your Erotic Personality: Identifying and Understanding Your Sexual Self. After all, it’s Sage’s business to translate her clients’ fantasies into stories at Custom Erotica Source. That means she’s heard a lot of secrets from a lot of different people, and it’s not surprising she’s discovered “distinct personality trends” in the erotica she is asked to create. I’ll admit, too, there is a bit of the thrill of the voyeur (or Watcher as Sage calls it) in stepping inside the fantasies of so many people who’ve whispered in her ear over the years. Don’t we all want to know more about what goes on in other people’s minds and bedrooms?

Well, I was not disappointed. I got my good read and more. Your Erotic Personality is hard to put down. It breezes along with smooth prose and laugh-out-loud wit, especially the quizzes that open each chapter profile. I can only imagine how much fun it was to think up those! But this isn’t just a sit-back-and-let-it-wash-over-you sort of book. By the second chapter, you’ve become an active participant with a quiz that makes you think seriously about your own erotic yearnings. Not that I expected to be “found out” as early as chapter three. Yes, Sage has us erotica writers pegged. There is definitely a lot of the Escapist in me—wild flights of fancy combined with a need for security. Are we that easy to read? But it didn’t stop there. As I read on, I recognized other aspects of my psyche in the chapters to follow. Apparently I’m also a bit of a Wanderer and have clear Show-Off tendencies, as well as a healthy dash of the Student’s scientific curiosity.

Gee, I’m more interesting than I thought!

Sage writes that for her clients, the very process of articulating their desires--yearnings we are rarely if ever encouraged to talk about--brings self-knowledge. Knowledge, of course, is power, in this case, the power to accept, explore and enjoy who you are. The pang of recognition I felt not only made me feel less alone, which is always good, it also made me realize how my erotic imagination offers me so many flavors, so many options to explore.

As I’ve mentioned before, I believe exploring your own erotic map is an immensely valuable thing, whether through reading this book, articulating your fantasies with a partner or writing your own erotica. Perhaps the only erotic type Sage profiled that made me sad was the Name-Dropper, a person who allows media images to define what is desirable. Okay, we’re all vulnerable to this to some degree, especially as teenagers, but how much happier would we all be if we could break free of junk-food, ready-made, overly-processed porn and find out what really turns us and our partners on? (See my earlier blog entry on Junk-Food Porn and Mom’s Homemade Erotica).

Throughout the book, Sage speaks with authority and a generous, nonjudgmental spirit. I found I not only understood myself and my partner better, but I got some intelligent insights into other lifestyles, for example BDSM and sex with multiple partners (at the same time, that's the Partier). In fact, I quickly realized that when I finished the book I would not put it on the shelf with my other erotic books and guides (of which I have a considerable collection). Where it really belongs is with the writing references, because I know this will be a very useful aid for my own writing. If I have a character in a story who gets off watching his wife have sex with other men, I’ll turn to the Cuckold chapter for some clues into what makes him tick—his dreams, his vulnerabilities, the range of behaviors this might involve. And because every human being is motivated by her/his sexual desires to some degree, the book could be a gold mine for all writers.

Smart, witty, fun and educational. What more can I say? Your Erotic Personality is a great book and I hear there’s a sequel in the works. I can’t wait!

Elvis Seals the Deal

Okay, this is what you've all been waiting for--photos straight from the Graceland Chapel in Las Vegas where my husband and I renewed our vows on our twentieth wedding anniversary in June. To tell the truth, I wasn't expecting much. We weren't allowed to request our Elvis "type," so we could well have gotten one of the fat ones of questionable singing talent. But our Elvis was "larger than life" in the best way. He was charming, funny (leading us through the infamous "Elvis vows" in which we promised not to treat each other like hound dogs or step on the other's blue suede shoes) and could sing very well indeed. Along with our renewal-of-vows certificate, we received a copy of Elvis and Priscilla's marriage certificate. I pointed out that it was a rather strange gesture, since that pair divorced, but my ever-glib and diplomatic husband replied that since 50% of marriages reportedly end in divorce, we get to be the lucky half! All in all a highly recommended way to tie the knot or pull your existing knot a little tighter!

Thumbs up with Elvis

"I'll never leave you at Heartbreak Hotel."

"E" is for Excellent, Sexy Stories

Good things do come in small packages. I just got my contributor’s copies of E is for Exotic, the latest volume in Alison Tyler’s erotic alphabet series and I’m REALLY impressed with it! It’s a bit smaller than Cleis’ usual format and thus perfect to hold in one hand. Ahem. The cover art is awesome, with a 1930s vamp in a harem-esque green outfit casting her sultry spell over the viewer.

It worked for me.

Inside is even better. My story “Spider” starts off the show, which is a real honor—more background about my story later. Next comes the luscious “Native Tongue” from Shanna Germain--you can always rely on her for stories that arouse the body and the mind. This time she takes on the power of language to lubricate a relationship in its presence or absence. Not speaking the same language definitely adds a charge to an encounter—I will attest to that from experience!—but reading “Native Tongue” is a good way to find out if you haven’t had the chance in your own travels.

The third story is by Michael Hemmingson, who has been a favorite author since I read his “Naughty Yard” in Maxim Jakubowski’s Mammoth Book of International Erotica over ten years ago. I usually have some trouble with the way men write sex scenes, especially in mainstream fiction, but Hemmingson’s voice is absolutely mesmerizing. He’s so witty and cool, I find myself liking these guys in spite of their, well, maleness. Like this line: “We checked in, walked up to the room, and attacked each other. Seriously, we ripped each other’s clothes off, threw each other around the room like POWs being interrogated.” The scene continues with details (I don’t want to ruin it—read the book!) but I just loved the strange images those words create. Those bodies are still bouncing and banging around in erotic abandon in my head days later.

Another favorite was Kis Lee’s “Bus Ride.” And it’s not just because my husband and I just renewed our vows at the Graceland Chapel in Vegas. The story was hotter than a Las Vegas afternoon (104 degrees, anyone?) and reminded me how words can be the sexiest things. This one is definitely staying with me. Who thought Barstow could be the beginning of all good things?

Saskia Walker takes you to Greece in “The Things that Go on at Siesta Time,” where a maid with a “practical” turn of mind, the lovely young daughter of the house and a dark and handsome gardener don’t get much rest at naptime. I’ve been fortunate to appear in several anthologies alongside Ms. Walker and her work is always so sensual and seductive. I loved that scene in the closet….

The anthology ends with a bang—how else?—with Alison Tyler’s “Un, Deux, Trois." As promised in the first line, the story transforms and transports the reader as well as the narrator as you glide into a sex club for Parisian sophisticates. Every detail is provocative: the elegant clothes, the rooms designed for decadent pleasures, the unexpected softness of the stranger’s kiss each time the narrator’s boyfriend spanks her with his belt in front of a transfixed crowd. How could any real-life adult play club be any better than this? I literally could not put this story down, even when less fictional good times were proffered—just ask my husband!

The other stories linger, too, the special corset in Teresa Noelle Roberts’ “Learning His Ropes,” the smells and sounds of Bangkok (not to mention those of some gorgeous Thai men) in Lisabet Sarai’s “Mad Dogs,” the very dirty antics of a married couple in Mathilde Madden’s “Wet,” the delicious, haunting obsession of Nikki Magennis' "Essence." Sex and travel do seem to be a magical combination in life and in writing—E is for Exotic is proof aplently.

So, a bit of background about my story. Yes, it is based on a real event. While I was studying Japanese as a graduate student in Yokohama in 1987—88, I was living in a very cheap, tiny apartment in the suburb of Konan Chuo. My cold water-only washing machine was outside the front door and one day as I was hosing off the dirt from the lid, a HUGE spider jumped out from behind the machine. No, I’m not really that scared of spiders. It wasn’t just a daddy-longlegs. It was literally as big as my outstretched hand, with thick brown legs and a huge body. It was a tarantula. Honest. I screamed and turned the hose on the spider and it jumped across the path and disappeared in the weeds. When I looked up I saw a cute young man staring down at me from the apartments on the floor above. He asked me what was wrong in Japanese and when I told him I’d just seen a huge spider, he did not come charging down to rescue me by finding and killing the spider. He just laughed at me indulgently. The bastard. For the next few weeks I was terrified the monster would come back and attack me, but I never saw it again. And I was happily married at the time, so I didn’t start anything up with the cute neighbor. The scene, however, did come back to me all these years later. I took a character from my novel, Amorous Woman, put him in the place of the sexy neighbor and “Spider” was born. Another truth from the story--I don’t look at spiders in the same way at all. Read my story and see why!

A New "Portrait" on Fishnet

I’m very excited to announce that my story, “Portrait,” has just been published online in Fishnet: A Journal of Erotica. I’ve dreamed of making Fishnet for a long time. The stories are smart and extremely well-written—everything I aspire to—so, hey, I’ll pop a bottle of champagne and let’s celebrate!

I wrote “Portrait” back in 2003, inspired by an amazingly beautiful and sexy photograph of Clean Sheets' editor Bill Noble with a former partner taken by the awesomely talented Michael Rosen. You can see it here or in the book Photo Sex: Fine Art Sexual Photography Comes of Age by David Steinberg. I highly recommend it. It’s sexy without making you feel like you need a hot (not cold) shower afterwards.

The story also gave me an excuse to buy a vintage Playboy and indulge my nostalgia for mid-twentieth-century sexual mores. Plus poke a little fun at Japanese literature academics (not that any I met were as interesting as Robert!) Most days you'll find me kvetching about the writing life, but today, it's all smiles!

He IS on Top

Hey, I’m the first to admit it when I’m wrong. Most of the time anyway. And I was wrong. I’d predicted that She’s on Top would outsell He’s on Top because, well, the figure of the sexy dominatrix seems so powerful in our society. Don’t those captains of industry all pay big bucks to yield their responsibilities to a leather-corset-clad mistress for an hour? That’s what I read in the New Yorker! But He’s on Top has made the Amazon top ten erotica list. She’s on Top has good numbers, too, but He definitely seems to be on top in this respect.

I can’t help but wonder why. I like to wonder why, most of my stories are sort of a wondering why, and here’s a possible explanation for this one. I had thought that female domination was the more taboo dynamic as a reversal of the status quo, but actually, in our post-feminist culture, male domination is actually naughtier perhaps? Of course, men are still firmly in control in politics, the media, finance, etc, even if their iron grip has loosened somewhat. But they’re not allowed to admit it in public, nor are women allowed to admit their own desire to be dominated without fear of the dreaded stamp of political incorrectness. And so we turn to a collection of erotica to spark our hidden fantasies and give us permission to dwell in this forbidden world for a time.

I think another reason He’s selling well is because it’s a great collection, a nuanced and—to me—infinitely sexier version of classic BDSM. (She provides the same). It’s cool to have my story nestled in with the work of such fabulous writers. I’m including my “review” of the book here today (with She to follow). I use quotation marks a lot around “ordinary” words—a legacy of grad school, no doubt—but this isn’t a traditional review, which usually consists of a general evaluation of the book’s quality followed by highlights of several favorite or not-so-favorite stories. However, since this is my blog and my ideal review is to honor each writer for her/his hard work and imaginative gifts, that’s what my goal is here. I can’t be a fully objective critic anyway so why try?

The collection starts with the longest and most delicious foreplay you can imagine in “Not Until Dawn.” This story is in fact more like a poem, which drew me into its refrain, plus I especially like stories where the female protagonists have small breasts! Lisabet Sarai’s “Incurable Romantic” appeals to my mind as well as my libido—the image of Ilsa doing laundry the old-fashioned way while she got a special shampoo really stayed with me. I also liked the new perspective on the vanilla scene. Sarai really does make the master-slave relationship seem more romantic and more committed. “Seizing Monica” by Debra Hyde also provides a sweet dose of the cerebral as well as more carnal explorations. There is a tension between the thinking man’s pleasures and the groin’s primal desires. BDSM and this story bring the two together.

I like the sense of humor and the twist ending in Gwen Master’s “Confession,” plus given my upbringing, Catholicism always adds spice to an erotic story for me. Masters uses the confession trope (okay, I can’t resist) masterfully to bring new zest to a married couple’s sex life. And, hey, it might work for you, too. I’m next with “Yes,” and I’ll just say that my favorite line in the story is: “You silently thank your dear friend Sean for being such a boring, predictable fuck as you get up and walk out of the room.” Don’t know why, but that makes me smile.

The title of M. Christian’s “In Control” has more than one meaning. The first reference is to the narrator’s domination of a slutslave he meets on the internet, with a poignant twist of an ending. But the real show of control is in the words, the images, the pacing, the insight. I’ve admired M. Christian’s work from way back when in the mid-nineties when I first started reading erotica. Now I think I’m even better at appreciating a master who knows what he’s doing very well!

“A Good Reference” by Mackenzie Cross approaches the theme of the anthology from the perspective of what I think of as the classic BDSM scene. I especially appreciated the narrator’s humor and his epiphany, which brings a resistant sub to her knees. (I can even understand the appeal of the “lessons”). Didn’t you learn in school that all good short stories have epiphanies? “Boardroom Etiquette” by Lee Ash opens with humor and flair. A cheeky underling baits his boss in a meeting and is kept behind to receive his proper recompense. Of course, it’s not what you expect…unless you read that article in the New Yorker!

“The Sun is Ordinary Star” by Shanna Germain—a powerful and poignant story, takes a risk but pulls it off beautifully. And the writing, as always with Germain, is just so good. I wouldn’t be surprised to see this story in BAE 09. If you’re in the mood for a little Christmas cheer, Andrea Dale’s “On the Twelfth Day” is a clever riff on the classic Christmas carol, with each day a new gift for a neophyte submissive. Suffice to say, Stacie has a very nice holiday, indeed. “Thrill Ride” by Matt Conklin is about another cerebral top (my favorite kind) who challenges his wife with a birthday gift that challenges her deepest fears. The interplay between fear and arousal is the foundation of BDSM, but we see here again, as in all of the stories, the surprising truth is that love is at the heart.

“Catherine When She Begs” (Jason Rubris) provides a dash of lesbianism, which is always good, and involves professors, another favorite theme of mine which fits well with power play. This is a story that capitalizes on the promise, the power of “the moment before.” It leaves you teetering on the edge, which is just where you want an erotic story to leave you. Interestingly enough Amanda Earl’s “Brianna’s Fire” also guides you to the brink in a slow, sensual and, for a BDSM outsider like me, instructive way.

I’ve long been a fan of Mike Kimera’s work since I read the “American Holidays” series on Clean Sheets (look in the series archives, the interlocking stories are awesome). “Christmas with Suzy and Mary” is another festive romp in BDSM territory as an older man discovers his true sexual nature. “Reclaiming” by Theresa Noelle Roberts gives us another corporate executive woman who enjoys a very different life in private. Roberts’ prose is hypnotic, poetic—good stuff.

The anthology ends with a bang with Rachel Kramer Bussel’s “Late for a Spanking” and Thomas S. Roche’s “Schoolgirl and Angel.” As is fitting for the editor of the very popular Naughty Spanking Stories 1 and 2, Rachel’s story makes spanking sooo sexy. The tension between the dom, who faces his own constraints, and his wayward sub makes the piece sizzle—it’s one of my favorites in the book. (Really.) And of course you expect something good from Thomas S. Roche. He delivers with a funny, hot and very well written story.

Okay, I’ve given you the tour, but my summaries hardly do justice to the stories themselves. This is a great collection. I understand why it’s an Amazon erotic bestseller. But I still hold a special place in my heart for She’s on Top. Possibly because I like to be on top? A review to follow soon!

"Suit and Tie" gets the nod from a pro

So, She's on Top is now available on Amazon and enlightened book stores near you. I also got my first review from a reader who knows all about women on top. Radical Vixen, a self-identified "kinky hippie political activist who talks dirty on the phone." I like her already!

But it gets better. In her blog review of She's on Top, VR pays me the awesome compliment of calling my story "Suit and Tie": "erotic and realistic"--which is an important combination for her, as it is for me--PLUS she called the ending "superb."

Hey, in general the writing life is lonely road with too few positive strokes for us struggling scribblers (are those tears of sympathy I see, aw thanks!), but now and then--specifically now--when you get a thoughtful review from someone who clearly knows the scene... whew, it doesn't get any better.

I'm especially jazzed by VR's comments because I do try to make my stories realistic and it's not always easy in erotica. I usually present the wilder scenes explicitly as fantasy, where anything goes, and I try to present the sex in the context of a believable relationship, hence my penchant for sex between people who know each other. (Imagine that!) Not that there aren't great erotic pieces that slip beautifully into the impossible, just that I've decided to take on the challenge of presenting sexuality as it can be in the real world--on good days. (Hey, who doesn't like a "happy ending"?)

Most of all, I'm happy because "Suit and Tie" was a sort of a departure for me. Ironically, I relied a great deal on my imagination to portray my dominatrix character. That a knowledgeable professional found truth in my efforts is delightfully validating. And you know, "Suit and Tie" IS definitely one of A-list stories. Buy the book, give it a read. I bet you'll like it, too.

"On Top" Books Coming Soon!

She's On Top and He's On Top are coming soon to Amazon and enlightened bookstores near you! I'm so excited because both of the stories I wrote for these anthologies have really stuck with me. I don't always love my stories when they're done, but these two have a little extra something that puts them on my list of favorites.

Rachel Kramer Bussel, an awesome editor, was interviewed by Cleis Press about the anthologies and she even mentioned my story, "Yes"! Yes!! Here's the link. Rachel has some interesting and surprising things to say about the dominant's role. Contrary to first impressions, it's not about being bossy and mean and selfish. A skillful top actually needs to be very sensitive to her/his partner's needs and desires. Frankly, I think it would be much harder to do the top's job well. Of course, I'm not really part of the BDSM scene, so I can't speak as an expert. And in fact, I hesitated to try to write something for these anthologies because I didn't feel I could compete with "insiders." But then I got to thinking that power plays such an important role in all human relationships. BDSM is just a particular subset of a relationship dynamic all of us are intimately familiar with (I know, you strict grammarians are clucking your tongues and saying "with which we are all intimately familiar").

Rachel was asked about the potential audience for the books and she said she thought both tops and bottoms would be drawn to the stories. I'd predict the books might even attract more of the "mainstream" crowd, because, let's face it, don't we all nurture some kind of power play fantasy in our steamy little heads? There is something particularly potent about power--pun intended--and something very sexy, too. She's On Top overturns our society's usual hierarchy by putting women in the driver's seat. He's On Top explores an even naughtier taboo by looking deeper into the mind and motivations of the dominant male. Men do still rule, but we're supposed to pretend they don't and we're supposed to pretend there's nothing good about it. But...gulp...sometimes there is!

One more thought about writing and power. I often think of writers as masochists. Why else would we continue to "submit" our work and our egos to callous editors and publishers? But after writing "Suit and Tie" and "Yes," I became aware of how we are like "tops" as well, controlling and crafting an experience behind the facade of the narrative voice. It was a very good experience!

Happy Topping!

Behind the Scenes in “Picture Perfect”

I’ve noticed a lot of people coming to my blog after seeing/hearing my story “Picture Perfect” on Violet Blue’s podcast, and maybe they did come for the cookie recipes (which are definitely worth a visit), but I’m assuming the real reason is some curiosity about my story and its creation.

As I mentioned, “Picture Perfect” was my very first erotic story to see print in an erotica anthology. “Blindfold” appeared in Rain Crow in print and “The Cunt Book” was online in In Posse Review 15 (both are inarguably erotica), but this was the first time my story was in the company of erotica greats like Alison Tyler and M. Christian. I remember Violet called to give me the good news because her email to me had bounced due to some internet bug going around at the time that was falsely marking my mailbox as full and bouncing everything! If Violet had been less conscientious, I might have missed the opportunity to publish the story, which is scary, huh? And now the story is in Italian and everything. Ah, yes, tales of the trade. But that’s not what you really want to know, is it?

You want to know if the story is based in my real life, right?

Permit me a digression of sorts. As I was thinking about the inspirations for this story, I kept going back to an idea I took away from my reading of Jack Morin’s The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment. Morin claims that each of us has a “core erotic theme,” a sexual fantasy that taps into our deepest needs. Not that we can’t enjoy a variety of sexual fantasies, but each of us does tend to gravitate toward fantasies with similar dynamics (sex in public, he’s on top, she’s on top, etc). In a questionnaire he includes for readers he helps us identify this by asking which fantasy we turn to when we’re having trouble getting turned on, the one that always works like a charm. I think it’s a worthwhile exercise in self-knowledge to identify what turns us on. Knowledge is power, ya know?

Anyway, when I look at my body of work, now grown much larger since Violet’s exciting call of acceptance back in 2003, I’d have to say my core erotic theme has something to do with revelation and exposure. This makes sense for a writer—as I’ve discussed earlier here in my blog, we writers are all exhibitionists of the soul more or less. But this theme finds its way into many of my stories in concrete form such as “Picture Perfect” and “The Cunt Book” (which is sort of a still-photo version of PP. You can read it here.) So there you go, the story is based on my most profound psycho-sexual truth. Another dynamic many of my stories share is that the female partner always takes an active role in creating the sex scene. Although her lover may cajole her into doing something “naughty” at first, she quickly gets on board and comes up with some of the best ideas herself! This is definitely true of Kira in “Picture Perfect”—and that’s what gives the story momentum, the give-and-take of a couple creating a scene together.

Another digression—bizarre as this sounds, I first saw Nagisa Oshima’s In the Realm of the Senses with my mother! I more or less knew what I was getting into when I suggested we see the movie in an art house in Georgetown back in 1985, and I did a pretty good job of playing it cool to show my maturity, even when Sada Abe was doing that weird thing with the egg. Afterwards, when we were having the requisite discussion of the film—a must for art house movies--I tried to argue that behind the non-stop sex scenes was a political allegory. I believe this is true, but I suspect I was trying a little too hard with mom due to a lingering discomfort of seeing a dirty movie with her and blurring that false, yet powerful, boundary our society has erected between motherhood and sex. So, okay, “Picture Perfect” is not the international masterpiece Realm is (remember, though, it has been translated!), but my intention was also to challenge the socio-political hierarchy in a small way.

Kira and Brian’s fantasy—that a dot-com billionaire is paying to watch them have sex—is based on the assumption that the voyeur has the power because he has more money. He is the one getting his wish because he is buying his chance to see a “proper” wife’s sexuality fully revealed—far more rare than say a professional porn actress’ supposed ecstasy. And yet, with the last line—the rich guy gets the couple’s loving kiss for free—completely reverses this power dynamic. (Yeah, I know, it’s kind of like that terrible cliché “the best things in life are free” but it’s true and that last line always gives me a little thrill. Take that dot-com billionaires!) The rich guy who can supposedly have everything he wants is now just a lonely masturbator in his private screening room, cut off from all the passion and creativity and connection Kira and Brian are enjoying in the flesh.

Come on, this is profound, okay?!

What? Cut the warmed-over, pretentious grad school bull, you say? All you really want to know is if the story is based in real life? Now come on, do you really expect me to answer that? Okay, okay, fine, you came all the way to my blog to find out and it took a lot out of you to click the mouse, right?

So, here's your answer: Yes. Sort of.

Satisfied ;-)?

Thanks for dropping by!

Dirty Whisperings in Your Ear: Violet Blue Reads “Picture Perfect”

Sometimes you publish a story and then you get your check and/or your contributors’ copies and that’s the end of it. But sometimes the fun continues and that’s what happened with my story “Picture Perfect.” This was my first print publication in erotica and it originally appeared in 2004 in Violet Blue’s best-selling anthology Taboo: Forbidden Fantasies for Couples. It was subsequently reprinted in Maxim Jakubowski’s Best Mammoth New Erotica 5 which came out in January 2006. This fall I was contacted by the Italian publisher Arnoldo Mondadori asked for translation rights for the story. Wow, my first international appearance and in the “language of love” itself! Soon afterwards I was sent a copy of the book called Best Erotica 2006 which includes many other stories from Maxim’s anthology as well as BAE. My story is now titled “Impeccabile” which I think sort of loses the pun, but hey, who am I to complain? As a translator myself, I know you have to make some sacrifices. I’ve found that the Italian version of the story sounds much better if you wave your hands around as you read. But there’s more good news!

In January Violet Blue made a podcast of the story which you can access here. Violet reads the original English version, but her low, sexy voice definitely adds a new and exotic dimension to the experience. One of the reasons I like erotica is editors like Violet Blue. She is the embodiment of the term “sex positive”—she makes it all so cool and fun and possible. I’m sorry to hear the next volume of BWE will be her last, because you can always count on her to edit an inspiring collection that will put a big smile on your face, for more reasons than one!

Where Have I Been?

Yes, I have lots of excuses for not posting a new entry in my blog for such a long time. For a while I was still recovering from writing that novel, which I agree, since I’ve done both, is indeed like giving birth. Then came the holidays and my Winter Solstice cookie-baking spree. This year I had to do it TWICE because my older son is in middle school and he has a lot of teachers to thank with a tin of sweets. The end of the year took me on a trip to NYC, and January opened with Japanese New Year celebrations. (Do you know how long it takes to make all the different foods you set out in the cute little dishes? Then after you spend all day doing that, you have to spend all evening washing the dishes!)

But now I’m back and one of my (slowly-realized) New Year’s resolutions is to keep up with the blog. I have some good reasons to get back into it. Orion’s website is now listing my novel, Amorous Woman, as coming out at the end of April 2007 and I have a few other pubs on the roster for this year involving domination, almond cookies and (hopefully) a sexy spider-man.

My other New Year’s resolution is to try new restaurants in the Bay Area, so I’ll have some reports on those as well as pointers to new recipes I’ve tried (like the blini I made for the Butter Festival this week—YUM!—which are definitely Russian cuisine’s gift to the world!).

So, stay tuned folks!

Sizzling Stories Coming Out in 2007

I know I haven’t written an entry in some time. I’m still recovering from novel writing in more ways than one! But I did want to announce some great news—two of my stories will be appearing in super sexy Cleis anthologies next February just in time for Valentine’s Day. “Suit and Tie,” the tale of a temp receptionist who takes the upper hand with her boss, will appear in She’s On Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, and I have to admit this one is a personal favorite. “Yes” made it into He’s On Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission, and I’m especially thrilled because I attempted a male POV, which is always a challenge for me, and I guess it worked! I’d say my protagonist is rather romantic for a bossy dude—I kind of like him even though he makes his girlfriend do some pretty wild things. Rachel Kramer Bussel edited both and she is so totally cool to work with, I sometimes start thinking this writing schtick can actually be fun! As always, the Cleis covers are luscious and the table of contents shimmers with stars of erotic writing. I am in amazing company!

I am pondering one interesting question arising from the dual publication—which of the anthologies will sell better? I’m expecting She’s On Top will get more sales just because we all get a little thrill out of overturning the usual hierarchy. Or maybe it’s that since most of us were raised by women, the dominatrix figure lurks in the shadowy depths of all of our souls? I would certainly bet real money (and I am NOT a betting woman) that more men will buy She’s On Top. I’ll be checking the Amazon ratings and let you know.

More soon.

Adventures in Novel Writing

What have I been doing for the past several months? Not writing in my blog, no--I’ve been writing my Japan novel! And what an experience it’s been! My manuscript is due on September 30 and I finally have a breather while my almost-last-draft is out with my readers for their comments.

When I first started writing in 1997, I wanted to try a novel, but figured I just couldn’t manage such a big project with a one-year-old to take care of. I decided to focus on short stories as a first step toward the "real thing." I don’t think this is uncommon, but of course, most beginners don’t realize that short stories are not very short novels. I’d even say short stories and novels are as closely related as poems and short stories. That is, they are very different indeed. Anyway, I got caught up in the short story as an art form of its own, sold a few, got in a groove, and decided maybe I was made to be a short story writer, like Alice Munro (one of my literary heroes).

Still, in my heart, I always wanted to try a novel. Back in 2000 I started thinking about writing something based on my experiences living in Japan. I settled on the idea of doing a modern interpretation of Ihara Saikaku’s Life of an Amorous Woman about a lusty lady who experiences all the possible roles seventeenth century Japan offered a female, while having tons of sex along the way (10,000 lovers--egads!--that's like Wilt Chamberlain). Mine would be a foreigner’s odyssey, of course, but I liked the structural support of riffing from a classic. I wrote drafts of five chapters and got discouraged. This is very common, I hear, that you run out of steam after the first few chapters. Then, last summer, I heard about a publisher who was soliciting work for new series of erotica novels. I wrote a proposal based on my original idea—this time with even more sex—and it got accepted. Now, we’ll see if they accept my actual manuscript, but at least I was given a chance to pursue my dream.

But could I do it in six months with two kids and all the other things going on in my life?

It didn’t look promising at first. It took me a few months to really find my rhythm—and this I hear is not uncommon either. But once I did, some very interesting things happened, and yes, I’ve heard about this part of the process from books and hearsay as well. First of all the story took on its own momentum. It was less that I was creating it than being dictated to by some higher voice. Well, that’s when the going was good, but there was definitely a flow to the process. Secondly—and I guess this is related--my characters started talking back to me and complaining about some of the things I wanted them to do. One guy just refused to do what I said because it was too sleazy. And it worked out fine, I think. The scene was more tantalizing and interesting than it would otherwise have been.

I also worked through one of my many fears about writing, at least temporarily. That is, I worried that I'd drop dead of despair if I spent like days or weeks writing a scene and then it ended up getting cut? What a horrible waste of time and a huge failure! Well, this happened a few times with the novel, but the cutting and trashing actually felt good because I knew the material didn’t belong and the work would be better without it. Now, I’m not sure how I’d feel if a whole novel was trashed. On the other hand, the very process of writing one was so educational, I wouldn’t want to miss it no matter what the outcome.

So, since I’m in an advice-giving mood, I’d say to all you would-be novelists out there—DO IT! And push yourself past that third-chapter slump and don’t worry if you write a lot that needs to be cut and have a great time arguing with your characters, ‘cause they still love you and need you underneath it all!

Okay, back to polishing up some old short stories.

Hope you had a good summer!

Sexy Feet and "Magic"

I seem to use the word "magic" a lot in my headers, but hey, it's a blog about sex and food and making up stories, so it sort of makes sense, doesn't it?

In fact, the title of my latest published story is "Magic" and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel has excerpted my story on her blog. Read it here, then buy the book and read the rest! Or maybe you'd rather take your honey out for a nice dinner instead ;-)?

Sex Meets Magic: “Garden of the Perverse” Rocks!

I always like an erotic story that does more than turn me on, although of course, the “wet test” is of crucial importance as well. I just finished the latest anthology in which my work appears—Garden of the Perverse: Fairy Tales for Twisted Adults, edited by Sage Vivant and M. Christian (if you know erotica, these are two big names)—and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s full of surprises, delights, magic and laughs. Each story does have something more to entertain and provoke thought as well as other more carnal reactions.

As someone who’s been on both sides of the anthology, as reader and contributor, I have to say that the limits of the fairy tale frame actually did encourage a playfulness that makes these stories richer, and it was fascinating to see how other writers tackled this. Of course, there is the naughty element of bringing adult sexuality into the type of story we associate with childhood, but most authors also have some fun with the form itself, the idea that fairy tales are supposed to teach correct behavior (or correct sexual technique), reward the good and punish the wicked (the definition of “wicked” is sometimes overturned), and enable the reader to project her own psychological trials and hope for transformation onto the magical world of make believe.

The book starts strong with Hilary Jaye’s “How Taiki Found His Wings” with its valuable lesson for us all--that it’s not always bad to be a cock tease! The momentum keeps going with Jason Rubis’ “Beauty Thrasher,” one of my favorite pieces in the book and exactly what you’d expect from an erotic fairy tale, ogresses and serving maids and mysterious doings in bedrooms at midnight with wandering princes and a magic flail that “thrashes out ugliness and leaves beauty” and an ending that makes you laugh but also leaves a sweet reminder of what really matters in the end. Who knew a spanking story could be so edifying?

Another favorite is Sharon Wachsler’s “Sappenschwester,” a very witty look at a young lesbian’s initiation by a series of teachers at a Women’s Collective house. I have to say I learned a few things myself. It also reminded me of an interesting tidbit from Timon Screech’s Sex and the Floating World, that masturbation in old Japan was also referred to as “laughing” and pornography was also dubbed “laughing pictures.” Combining two forms of amusement—sexual arousal and humorous pokes at society—is truly a double delight. “The Real Story of Strong John and Pretty Sue” by Bryn Haniver is another piece that offers good fun, good writing and irreverence. And of course, it’s no surprise that M. Christian’s riff on A Midsummer Night’s Dream would be both hilarious and hot. The encounter between Titania and Oberon’s downtrodden attorney, Sol, is probably the best sex scene in the book, although the competition is tough here.

While wit abounds, there were also plenty of stories with that dreamy, mysterious and definitely dangerous quality we all associate with fairy tales. “Cat’s Eye” by Lisabet Sarai explores the nature of the animal urge and the very human conflict between individual desire and social conformity, all in the loveliest prose you could ask for. “Pipe of Thorns” by Remittance Girl takes you on a journey to an opium den where you not only get a taste of a forbidden and dangerous world, you see justice served to a man who takes desire too far. Ouch.

The anthology ends strongly and ultimately happily, with Sage Vivant’s “The Maiden of Grand Proportions.” This one lingered with me, perhaps because it touches a universal chord in all women. Why indeed are we all afraid of the real over media-created artifice and fantasy? And how interesting that a fairy tale would bring this question home so effectively….

So, yes, I have a story in this anthology, and I don’t claim to be objective, but it’s also true that I rarely feel so transported, entertained and stimulated in body and mind by a work of fiction. I definitely recommend this book. And I’d recommend you tally up your favorites and ask yourself why. That would be another journey worth taking in itself.

Pure-Gold Double Vanilla Cupcakes: Second Childhood is Better than the First

Since I don’t get HBO, I didn’t see Sex and the City on TV, but given my general interest in American sexual mores, it was almost required viewing on DVD. It hasn’t been that long since I saw the famous scene of Carrie and Samantha licking pink frosting from Magnolia Bakery’s cupcakes, but I know most of America got there years before me. Could it be that those ten seconds of indulgence sparked a national obsession—or perhaps rediscovery—of the cupcake? Surely it tapped a deeper reservoir of baby boomer lust for the indulgences of childhood, that magical single portion of sweet cake piled with buttercream frosting, the mainstay of classroom birthday celebrations and bake sales?

Well, I’ll get to the recipe now and leave the musings for later. This recipe, officially named “Golden Vanilla Cupcakes,” really makes an awesomely excellent cupcake, tons better than the cake mix versions you had as a kid. Tender and moist—if you eat them the same day—and bursting with a “crème brulot” double vanilla flavor, these are worth every calorie.

This recipe comes from Ceri Hadda’s Cupcakes, and I don’t usually put other people’s recipes on my blog, but this book is sadly out of print. You can get used copies, though, and I highly recommend it. I’m still looking for an excuse to try the Cannoli Filling/Topping and the Rum Raisin Cupcakes, both versions…. Oh, and if you’re certain you’re using salmonella-free eggs, make sure you lick the beaters. I find cake batter less compelling than cookie dough, but this truly does taste like a rich French custard!

Golden Vanilla Cupcakes
(Makes 12, actually about 13)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract (I like Penzey’s)
1/2 cup whole milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line 12 muffin tins with paper liners.

In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt.

In a medium bowl, beat the butter until light and fluffy with an electric mixer on high speed. Gradually beat in the sugar until very light and fluffy. Lower the mixer speed to medium. Beat in the eggs one at a time, the egg yolk and the vanilla. Lower the mixer speed to low. Beat in the flour mixture alternately with the milk, just until blended.

Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin tins.

Bake until the tops of the cupcakes are springy when lightly pressed with a fingertip, but not quite golden, about 20-22 minutes. Cool for 15 minutes in the muffin tin on a wire rack.

Frost with swirls of vanilla buttercream frosting. I like to decorate them with M&M “flowers,” that is, an M&M of one color for the center and six of another circling it. These are irresistible to kids at bake sales.

“The Cunt Book”: Are Erotica Writers Exhibitionists?

Since I had such a good time writing about blindfolds, I thought I’d talk about another one of my early stories, and a particular favorite called “The Cunt Book.”

C-book (as you have to call it on Amazon) was one of those stories I was “writing” in my head for many years. Once I finally sat down at the computer, the whole thing poured out in one week of morning writing sessions.

One of the inspirations for the story was the bizarre and unsolved murder of Bob Crane, an actor known best as the genial and supposedly-irresistible-to-women Colonel Hogan. Masterpiece Theatre made me an Anglophile as a child, so I always preferred Richard Dawson (reportedly another womanizer) but I was still creeped out that a fixture of my after-school T.V. rerun viewing had met such a bloody end. Surely the murder had some connection with the stacks of photo albums documenting Crane’s many sex partners? The movie Auto Focus has its own explanation for what happened—it certainly does a good job of portraying sex addiction.

What intrigued me most, however, was Crane’s particular version, not to say perversion, of humanity’s urge to collect. In fact, anyone who’s ever made a list of his/her sex partners is doing something similar—but the fixation with pictorial evidence mixes it all up with Playboy and other broader cultural issues. This gave me the idea for “The Cunt Book,” in which the female protagonist hears a possibly apocryphal story from her married lover about his “uncle” who had his lovers pose for formal portraits and then cajoled them into providing close-ups of their naked vulvas.

The protagonist doubts that truth of the story, because she knows the guy is a storyteller (that is, a liar), but she feels a compulsion to make it true, at least for them as a couple. This leads to the “climactic” scene where she nudges him into making a cunt book of and for her. Hey, I’m not really giving anything away because you won’t really reading it for the plot.

This story found particular favor with Baby Boomers, those of us who came of sexual age before the Internet. For us old fogies, there is still a certain forbidden quality to “dirty” pictures and nude photo sessions that has probably been busted wide open by the easy access to trillions of such images today. The three editors who liked the story enough to publish it (in fact they were all gratifyingly enthusiastic) were all vanguard Baby Boomers. Rachel Callaghan of InPosse Review, Bill Noble of Clean Sheets, and Marcy Sheiner of Best Women’s Erotica 2005. Maxim Jakubowski also wanted it for Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, but BWE wouldn’t allow the double exposure. The story has also gotten me the most fan mail. How I wish all my stories were so beloved! But hey, when it happens, it’s nice.

But on to exhibitionism. The central scene of “The Cunt Book” deals with a woman revealing her most private self by her own choice. The protagonist is no dupe of an unscrupulous sweet-talker or any of the usual scenarios of dirty picture portraiture. She wants him to see what she has to show. I must confess that as I write, I often amuse myself with a “meta” approach to my story. So, yes, “The Cunt Book” is also about writing, about revealing yourself through art. Every writer reveals something about the workings of her mind and sensibility. Fiction writers, however, can hide behind veils of make-believe at the same time. I can say that no fictional piece I’ve written is ever “true.” But there is truth in all of it, and in “The Cunt Book” and all my stories, I am revealing the truth about my experience of female sexuality as well as whatever part of our society’s myths and fantasies I’ve breathed in from the media. In that sense, I think all writers are exhibitionists. Erotica writers just veer a little closer towards actually undressing in front of the window.

Blindfold Erotica

The internet is full of amusing ways to waste time and one of them, of course, is to google yourself every few weeks and see what comes up. The usual impetus to do this is a sudden upswing in the number of people who visit my website and/or blog. I can often trace this to some new mention of me and my work online. Oddly enough, it does make me feel “connected” in a kind of cold, impersonal way!

It’s also amusing what sorts of links show up. For example, my story which is most often poached for other sites is one of the very first erotic stories I ever wrote—the second to be exact—called “The Blindfold.” It first appeared in print in the literary journal Rain Crow and was reprinted in the sex and death issue of The Absinthe Literary Review. A more sexually explicit revision called “Blinded” appeared last year on Clean Sheets. Apparently that very word “blindfold” has enough zing to merit its own fetish category, or at least lots of websites devoted to it, and someone is always looking for new entries.

“The Blindfold” is not my most accomplished story, but I do have a special fondness for it. It was the first time I found myself balancing erotic heat with a cooler intellectual curiosity. Even as I dreamed up steamy sex games, the underlying momentum was an idea—that sex has to get “better” and that this somehow involves pushing the boundaries, which would lead in the end to the ultimate boundary. Death.

I realize now that I was also grappling with the boundary between literary and erotic writing which was more problematic for me back then. It is still an issue—should I tone down a more complex story and try to send it to “serious” magazines or stick with the explicit sex and go for erotica venues? As I wrote “The Blindfold,” I found myself constantly reigning in the sexuality, which I later tried to fix with the revised version for Clean Sheets.

Of course, explicit sex is not necessarily the sexiest. Suggestion can be very arousing to me. Certain scenes or lines in “literary” fiction--“the good parts”—are burned far more deeply into my memory than much of the erotica I’ve read, perhaps because I read them at a more impressionable age, or using my own imagination to fill in the details is more vivid, or a sex scene just stands out more memorably in a mainstream story.

But back to “The Blindfold.” It was also one of the first stories I actively researched, from tracking down an old college friend who was a fencer for some technical advice, to making my husband put on a leather glove to caress my neck. And yes, we did try out a few of the games, and they “worked” just fine! Even if you don’t feel ready for the edgier sorts of role playing or sexual power games, I’d recommend trying a blindfold. Use a scarf, one of those sleep masks the airlines give out, or a special furry one they sell at the enlightened sex stores that cater to woman. It’s not so kinky a nice, middle-class suburban couple can’t easily use it to spice up the marital repertory. Its simple power lies in forcing you to focus on the other senses we usually shortchange in our culture--touch, sound, taste and smell. And, as you might expect, even a mild injection of novelty tends to return huge dividends in excitement.

Okay, so I’ve done my bit to encourage America to spice up its sex life, back to the dramas of the writing life. Sending the story out to editors was not quite as much fun as researching and writing it. With high hopes and some trepidation, I sent it to the “top” erotica places I knew—Yellow Silk and Libido, both defunct now. Naturally I fantasized they would snap the story up and immediately recognize my talent as a rising star on the erotica scene. Both rejected me with tiny form letters, but hey, it’s part of a writer’s life to be battered and toughened up at the beginning. I then went to my hard copy of Writer’s Market and scanned the entries for any that said they accepted erotica, slim pickings at about a dozen. Ah, but yes, I forgot, with the sort of bravado only a beginning writer can muster, I also sent it to C. Michael Curtis at The Atlantic and Playboy! Curtis actually sent me one of his “personal” notes offering encouragement. Alice Turner at Playboy wrote, coldly, that “it’s not for us.”

I eventually did end up writing two erotica pieces for their website under a pseudonym, but that’s another story.

In retrospect, the editorial response to “The Blindfold” was pretty encouraging, considering it was “naughty.” I got a respectable amount of ink (writer speak for personal comments from editors), much of it saying the story was too sexual, but they liked my writing. And then, just as I’d given up hope, I was contacted by Michael Manley of 33 Pages, which had changed in the interim to Rain Crow. Manley wanted to publish the story! He was even going to pay me money for it!

I wonder if every writer remembers those first acceptances so keenly. Later ones from more prestigious places are certainly cause for great celebration, but they don’t quite have the same thrill as that first dip in the rollercoaster of the publishing game. I will always be absurdly grateful to Michael Manley for seeing the “literary” qualities of the story for his literary (not erotic) magazine—also, sadly, no longer published. The second thrill came when I held the journal in my hands and read my own story in print. It wasn’t my first publication, but somehow the story felt more revealing, more of me was on that page than ever before.

Btw, my first published fiction was “Questions” in Stanford Magazine, quite respectable for a debut. I got $300, the magazine reached tens of thousands of alums, and many I knew told me they read it and liked it. I also got some nasty letters slamming me for introducing the specter of real sex into the newly impersonal merging that fertility technology allows (the woman carrying a donor egg imagines her husband and the egg donor having sex in a motel), but hey, we want to get a reaction from readers, and bad is better than none. When I first read that story in its published form, complete with an original illustration—it’s also cool to see how another artist interprets my work--I got teary at the end. More because of the theme of mother love, but still. Is it a form of masturbation to be moved by your own work in some form or another?

Maybe, but like masturbation, it’s still a heck of a lot of fun.

Shari Goldhagen’s Inspiring Debut Novel

This is a “writing” entry, although there are certainly plenty of well-written sex scenes in Shari Goldhagen’s debut novel/linked short stories, Family and Other Accidents. (Not much food though—only Asian takeout and salmonella.) This is a sort of embarrassing admission, but I haven’t been reading that many novels in the past few years, probably because I write short stories and focus on that genre, plus these days memoirs and other nonfiction just grab my attention more. But I was intrigued by Rachel Kramer Bussel’s review of Family on her blog and her interview with Goldhagen in The Gothamist. And, since I am writing a novel now, the question of what makes a good one is more personally pressing than ever before.

Well, I was totally blown away by this novel! Once I started reading, I couldn’t put it down. It has so many qualities I hope for in my own writing: very real characters who stay with you long after you stop reading; sharp, witty insights into the human condition; clean, lovely, I-wanna-write-that-way prose; and an enviable balance of page-turning drama with literary attention to detail and language that makes this worth a second or a third read to appreciate Goldhagen’s skills. I just know I’m going to be picking this up when I’m in a writing funk for some inspiration to get back on track.

I’m not sure why Jack and Connor and Mona and Laine and the rest seem to have moved into my brain so that I can analyze them and love them and hate them like members of my own family, but they have and that’s the magic of good fiction. Some of it might be the insight into the Midwest—I’m a neurotic East Coaster who married a guy from Chicago and the culture is definitely different in America’s heartland. Some of it might be that I have a controlling older sibling like Jack and my father died when I was young and a lot of that part rings true. Certainly part of it is that I’ve always found love and sex and all the silly things they make us do mysterious (I know I’m definitely not alone in that) and this novel tackles those issues with intelligence and humor.

Style-wise there was a lot to learn, too. I knew I’d like this book when I saw the chapter titles: “stealing condoms from joe jr.’s room,” “the only pregnant girlfriend he ever married,” “the way he said ‘putz.’” The shifting POV’s allowed for so many “aha” moments—Ah hah, that’s what he was really thinking in the last chapter—which is somehow very satisfying for a reader. I also admired the way Goldhagen brought her themes full circle in the last chapter to create a satisfying ending without tying the story into a contrived conclusion. It was also cool to learn a bit about the genesis of the novel from Rachel’s interview I’ve linked to above. The first story Goldhagen wrote with some of the characters became chapter four, not a standout chapter on first reading, but that is how things work sometimes in the creative process. I recently wrote a story that I can feel wants to become a novel and now I’m letting the characters and images simmer away in my mind on my early morning walks, which is the longest and probably most enjoyable part of the creative process for me.

I can only hope any novel I write will be half as good as Family and Other Accidents.

Kulich and Paskha: A Quick Jaunt to Russia

With two young kids and a limited budget, I’m not likely to find myself heading off on an overseas vacation any time soon. But I’ve discovered a substitute that seems to work almost as well for my body and spirit—a trip to one of the Bay Area’s many wonderful ethnic bakery/restaurants. On this Easter weekend, I dragged my family into San Francisco to the Cinderella Bakery on Balboa St. Yeah, I know the real Russian Easter is next week, but we’re all caught up in dyeing eggs and decorating the German Easter tree, so it seemed like the right time to buy some kulich (Russian fruit bread, like pannetone) and paskha (a mixture of sweetened farmer cheese mixed with candied fruit). I also picked up a delicious, over-sized honey poppyseed roll and a sweet cheese roll for breakfast. This kids had butter cookies, which got rave reviews. As my husband and I savored our morning pastries, we both observed that some subtle flavoring made us feel like we were suddenly in a foreign land. It really did bring back those European vacations of our DINK lives, when each day would find us at a café or patisserie sampling the local sweet. I’m not sure if it’s the yeast, the egg coating, a spice or just plain baker’s magic, but there was some sorcery at work on the taste buds. This morning we had the official Easter breakfast. Cinderella Bakery’s kulich is not as rich and fruity as some of the less authentic versions I’ve tried at local bakeries, but it was nice, especially topped with the sweet cheese. This may become an annual spring ritual, along with the vegetarian matzo soup and the various charosets (classic apple walnut plus nouveau pistachio and dried cranberry) and the chocolate eggs.

I first got the hankering for kulich and paskha at Easter from Catherine Cheremeteff’s food memoir, A Year of Russian Feasts. Her description of the monastery where they prepare these Easter treats by the thousands really stayed with me—plus I know the proper way to eat a kulich is to slice off the decorated top, then slice rounds to pass around, then replace the top when you are finished for the next round.

Food memoirs are definitely my favorite form of travel these days—they’re quick and low-calorie, unless thinking about food puts on the pounds, and sometimes it seems that way. Other favorite food writers include Ruth Reichl, whose books are about so much more than food. Tender at the Bone and Garlic and Sapphires are the two I’ve read so far. I reread Jane and Michael Stern’s cleverly amusing histories of American eating about once a year, Square Meals and American Gourmet. The latter has a great chapter on food for lovers, mid-century style! The combination of humor, history and recipes is right up my alley. The Stern’s have come out with a memoir, Two for the Road: Our Love Affair with American Food, which looks interesting. Sometimes on their travels, they’d eat TEN meals a day. Better to read about than do….

Is Real Sex Really Sexy?

I’m about to embark on an exciting and hopefully not too painful experience—I’m writing an erotic novel under contract with the UK publisher, Orion, who is launching a series of “literary” dirty books dubbed “Neon.” (I hope my cover has a nice neon sign in Japanese characters.) Yes, it’s scary, although I’ve been mulling over my material for many years now and it feels ripe. It’ll have a lot of exotic information about Japan and my main character is an insatiably horny woman who has sex with lots and lots of men. How can I go wrong?

Well, you never quite know what makes a piece of writing soar, even though the raw material seems promising. So, in my typical fashion, I’ve turned to books for the answer. Other erotica as examples and a few writing how-to’s for advice. I picked up a very helpful tip from Scott Edelstein in his book, 100 Things Every Writer Needs to Know. On page 22 Edelstein advises: “To get the most out of writing, write what you would enjoy reading.” Later he elaborates: “The more interested you are in what you’re writing, the more interested your reader will be.” And since repetition is always good when you lecture, he concludes: “Write something you yourself would want to read.” And that is exactly what I’m going to try to do. At the very least, it makes the writing process more fun if I myself am laughing and crying and getting turned on. Plus, this seems like the kind of basic common sense that will help me through some sticky or slow times in the process.

So, what exactly do I want to read? I actually know the answer to this question--for a change. I want to read a dirty story that feels real to me. A lot of sex stories out there (and there are many, many exceptions of course, especially in the anthologies my stories are in!) strike me pure fantasy, which may be what some readers want, but it keeps me from getting truly involved in the flow of it. Everyone in these books has an orgasm, or two or three, in the abundant sexual encounters that happen every few pages like clockwork. No one ever has doubts or regrets. No one hesitates to jump into bed with the next absurdly attractive stranger of whichever sex who bounces down the road. There’s no jealousy. No new sex trick ever hurts or falls flat. It all just happens, effortlessly, in an ever-ascending arc of outrageous acts, each which proves more fulfilling than the next. Again, I can understand the appeal of this fantasy of nonstop thrills with no consequences, but it doesn’t really do it for me. What I like—and I’m not saying I can pull this off—is a glimpse into the real experience of sexual intimacy. And maybe some would think what happens in real life is exactly what you’re trying to escape when you read erotica. But I’m more of a voyeur. I want to know what sex is really like for other people and I have a companion urge to tell other people what it’s like for me. Some criticize Susie Bright’s BAE series for being too dark, but I’d argue that the stories always touch on something real. And I can’t lose myself in a story unless it has something that resonates deeply as truth. But here’s the thing—real sex can be magic and that magic is much more powerful than any predictable genre fantasy I’ve ever rolled my eyes over.

So, I’m going to go for real and true in my erotic novel, although I’ll throw in lots of luscious descriptions of food and men’s bodies and wild sex. And while I hope lots and lots of people want to read it, I don’t have much control over that. What this will be is an experiment, a test as to whether Mr. Edelstein is right with his suggestion #12. Wish me luck!

Junk Food Porn and Mom’s Homemade Erotica

The question seems to pop up everywhere—how do we determine if something is porn or erotica? One of the more common answers it to divide the categories by gender. Porn is usually made for and purchased by men, it tends to be visual, or if it’s written material, solely focused on the sexual act. Erotica is for ladies, it’s rarely pictorial and focuses on feelings and story, although these days steamy sex is part of the package as well.

There’s some truth to these divisions, generally speaking, but I tend to resist this view, if only because I find certain visual representations of sexuality very sexy. And I don’t always want my sex dressed up in a peignoir of emotion. The bare stuff can be just what I need—exactly the sort of raw, explicit depictions that are supposedly aimed at men.

I was recently reading Ian Kerner’s books, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman and He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man (erotica writers need to fill the well with information and inspiration, too!) and happened upon an approach to the porn vs. erotica issue that makes more sense to me. Kerner compares porn to junk food (a “fast-food fantasy fix”), readily available, mass produced, targeted at the lowest common denominator, ultimately unfulfilling. He didn’t mention erotica, but I would say that erotica by my definition (and it could be a photograph or video as well as an artfully written story) is rooted in an individual’s vision. It is unique imaginative work that requires care and attention on the part of both creator and audience. Not that erotica collections all fall into this category or that you can't find a story or photo that arouses both body and mind in a mainstream "men's" magazine, but by my definition, erotica does tend to challenge and question, while porn soothes, even while the details (woman with horse, etc) may shock at first.

Although I picked up Kerner’s books as story research for tips on technique, I found myself far more interested in what he has to say about sexuality in our culture. Particularly interesting was his discussion of love maps—“the sexual template expressed in every individual’s erotic fantasies and practices” and how they are formed. “Ironically,” he writes, “we often don’t know our own love maps, which is why the expression of fantasy, especial via internal triggers that spring from our imagination is all the more crucial: It’s our only real way of knowing and sharing our sexual fingerprint.” (p. 82) Kerner is troubled by the way porn overrides this internal search. For example, a young man masturbates to Playboy and finds himself attracted to busty, cute blondes in a kind of Pavlovian connection. Even more detrimental, he becomes dependent on “external triggers that can both obscure and override the organic development of the love map.”

Of course, I can’t speak for my audience’s experiences of my stories, but I do know that I have learned a lot about my “love map” since I began writing stories with a sexual theme. (This is one reason why I recommend EVERYONE write erotica, even if you don’t intend to publish it!) I would argue that a person looking to truly understand more about female sexuality and about what women really want, will find more satisfying answers in Best Women’s Erotica than mass-market porn.

My reaction to a lot of porn may not just be a feminist resistance to what I perceive is a false depiction of female sexuality. It may be a resistance to an imposed set of standards and truths about such a deeply personal issue—this would be true for men or women. This brings us to Hugh Hefner, who has always fascinated me in his role as national tastemaker, as a man who imposed his own sexual preferences on a generation—or maybe more—of American males. Clearly he tapped into something that was there, and I believe there is a powerful collective imagination at work in our sexuality, but to what extent has Hefner distorted the individual’s true desires with his Playmates and the Playboy Philosophy and made men into passive receptacles for his vision?

I think it’s a lot more interesting to create my own fantasies. Like chocolate chip cookies, rice mousse pudding and sweet yellow cake with fudge frosting, homemade treats are far better than the things you buy. And wouldn’t you rather discover your own sexual fingerprint than study Hugh Hefner’s month after month?

I might be fooling myself, though, in my perhaps adolescent insistence of making my own taste. So, I refuse to swoon over Brad Pitt and Leonardo di Caprio on principle and prefer to focus on the ordinary, but no less powerful magic of people I actually know or more typically, people I make up in my head. I’m as much a slave to our culture as anyone, no doubt. But I do like the idea of exploring my inner landscape rather than using the prefab symbols and scenarios the media provides.

I would recommend Kerner’s books, less for the step-by-step cunnilingus program, although I could see how that may be helpful for beginners (I’d probably refer to it before a fantasy date with a hot lady myself). However, my personal preferences don’t completely coincide with Mrs. Kerner’s, although the book made my husband and me pay more attention to what we do, which is always valuable. Still, it’s Kerner’s intelligent questioning of the “givens” in our society’s view of sexuality—the opening of the mind rather than the legs--that makes these books worth reading.

Poem in a Glass: 1989 Penfold’s Grange Hermitage Bin 95

Our special indulgence this weekend was to break out one of the older wines from our cellar—bought way back in the early 90’s when we had disposable income (ah, those were the days). At the time, laying out $80 for a bottle of wine was thrillingly extravagant, and I felt quite naughty with my purchases. Today a new release Penfold’s Grange Hermitage goes for over $200, a price increase much higher than inflation, so it turns out to have been a good investment in the opportunity to taste one of the world’s premier wines.

I was trawling the internet for reviews of the 1989 and came upon a write-up of a vertical tasting of the wine from ten years ago. The 1989 was singled out as an unfortunate departure from the usual, too jammy as if the winemakers had poured in an equal amount of Chambord. Maybe ten years has softened the wine or maybe I just feel grateful to be able to taste it at all, but I really enjoyed the 1989.

Okay, now the wine porn begins. From the first whiff, you could tell you were dealing with a very fine wine with so much complexity and depth. It felt like velvet in the mouth, rich and smooth and compelling in its presence. I’d have to agree it was strong on the raspberry jam flavors, but it also had spice and the layers of brightness I associate with sunlight captured in a bottle. Then came the long finish, something you never get with a middle-range wine, no matter how charming. But with a first-growth wine, you can feel the flavors develop and change on your palate, unfolding over a minute’s time or more. Like a poem, it is more than what it seems at first taste. You take another sip not to get drunk but to learn more about the subtle pleasures it offers. And of course, it keeps getting better. I'd say the 1989 was at its peak; we drank it neither too early nor too late.

This is the first premier Australian wine I’ve had and it was notably different from French wines which always have a certain austerity—earthy undertones in Burgundy or Bordeaux, pepper in the Rhone Valley. This had more of a Napa-style roundness and sweetness to it. The fruit rather than the earth predominated.

Again I must contradict my advice for dinners of seduction. If you happen to have a 17-year-old bottle of fine red wine lying around, your dinner guest will most likely be very, very appreciative indeed.

More Thoughts on Food for Sex

I was reading Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Lusty Lady column from last May in the Village Voice called “Eating for Arousal,” and thought I’d add a few thoughts about the sex-food relationship and meals for seduction.

In my last post, I suggested that there were no “magic bullet” foods to make a reluctant partner into a “fuck-me-now” lust bunny, and maybe I’m still right. But the way Rachel describes the effect of a cupcake on her state of mind and body makes me wonder! Not that a cupcake, or a dish of excellent rice pudding, would make me leap on the bones of someone I hated. It might tip the balance if I were on the fence, though, by taking me to a place where the senses are engaged and ready for more action. Still, there’s no way to make generalizations about what this magic potion would be for any given person. Women do seem more likely to be moved to passion by a sweet luscious dessert than men. Or at least they’re willing to admit it. For one it might be chocolate, though, for another something creamy. Finding out what this is involves getting to know the person—and I would still argue that the process of gaining intimate knowledge is itself the aphrodisiac.

I especially related to this quote from the article: “They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but what about the way to his cock, or to a girl's tender bits? Is it possible to get someone in the mood with a well-cooked, sexy meal? According to Jacqui Malouf, author of Booty Food (Bloomsbury, 2004), it certainly is. ‘Good, bad, or burnt, there's something erotic about being nurtured with goodies made by a lover. When a new special someone in your life shares their favorite dishes, you really see who they are, and that kind of naked authenticity is truly sexy to me.’"

Sharing your favorite foods, especially ones you make, with someone is an act of intimacy, a way to let them see and be you, by experiencing the same sensual pleasure. And, this might even be too obvious, but our bodies and minds do not divide sensual enjoyment into discreet categories, though our society might insist that sexual joy is completely separate from culinary delights or appreciating a lovely sunset. (I also think reading a book or story that someone really loves is an exciting way to get to know them!) Maybe because food has so many connotations of maternal nurturing, it feels naughty to link it with sex? But it’s definitely not unnatural to do so.

Okay, really, next time, junk food porn and homemade erotica and why I have this bizarre fascination with Hugh Hefner and a few other things….

Seduction Dinners: The Best Food for an Evening of Good Sex

Any blogger who claims to have something to say about “Sex, Food, and Writing” should probably address the all-important issue of what to feed your lover, or prospective lover, before the evening’s entertainment moves on to more intimate activities. The topic is of personal importance to me as well because my husband and I took our relationship to the next level--and you know just what I mean--the night he first invited me to his apartment for dinner. Did what happened at the dining room table convince me to find out if his bed was a fun place to be, too? You betcha. There is something particularly alluring, and reassuring, about a man who will make the effort to please your palate. It bodes well for his willingness to look out for your pleasure in other ways as well.

My advice has its limitations—I can really only speak in general terms about a meal designed to seduce a woman. This may be an outdated stereotype, but I’d think men would want something heartier, such as slabs of red meat, to stoke the testosterone. But for a woman, a lighter menu will be far more likely to put her in the mood for love. First of all, it’s usually difficult for a woman to display her appetites in front of a man she is trying to impress—and let’s assume if she agrees to have dinner at your place, she likes you and wants to impress you. Give her the opportunity to be healthy and somewhat restrained at the dinner table, and she’s more likely to let loose in bed. More importantly, healthy, high-veggie, low-fat food really does make you feel good about your body, lighter in spirit, and more inclined to celebrate life. Really. The other day I had some Japanese vegetarian temple food for lunch at a restaurant in San Francisco called Medicine Eat Station. Steamed vegetables with sesame sauce, fresh tofu with ginger, miso soup and brown rice with plum topping—it was delicious AND better still, it made me feel wonderful and glad to be alive all day. Kind of like a natural high. This is a good frame of mind to be in to enjoy a new lover.

So, what sorts of things should be on a menu designed to seduce? First you have to know if she has food allergies, eats meat or just fish or is vegetarian, prefers white wine or red. (If you know her well enough to invite her for dinner, usually you know these things, but if you don't, make sure to ask.) For flesh eaters, I’d recommend grilled chicken breast or fish with a fresh salsa or low-fat pesto. To accompany this—a salad or steamed vegetables and rice or good French bread. For vegetarians, the same salad and vegetables and perhaps a risotto or stir-fry. Fresh, high-quality ingredients are key, of course. And it’s probably best to find recipes that allow for a lot of advance preparation so you can focus on her and not overly fussy cooking procedures.

Serve a decent wine, although she’ll be more comfortable with a mid-range, good quality for the money selection rather than something really expensive, which might be overwhelming until you get to know each other better. If you can pick up an interesting story about the wine from the wine merchant (it comes from a small domaine in Gigondas, etc) it will make for good dinner conversation. Oh, and don’t pour too much—maybe some ladies can handle their liquor better than I, but while one glass will lubricate the fellowship, more than two will dull the senses, which is not the point at all!

Okay, on to dessert. Here is where you will want to splurge a bit because it marks the transition from civilized restraint to hedonistic indulgence, which is definitely how you want the evening to end. Have some fresh fruit in season available, but also some bite-sized treats. She’ll be very impressed if you actually bake some fudgy brownies made with high-quality dark chocolate and a dash of Grand Marnier or framboise (no boxed mixes PLEASE—she deserves better, no?). Or buy some small pastries from a good local bakery, cut them into small pieces and share. Sharing food is always very sexy and a good way to soften the barriers in preparation for more serious bonding.

Two more tips from personal experience. One thing that definitely got my attention was watching my husband slice up the vegetables for the cashew chicken stir-fry he was making (I ate meat back then). I loved those deft hand movements—very promising indeed for the future practice of his manual skills on me. And when it came time for that delicate move from dinner to something else, whatever else that might be—hot sex or thank you and good night?—what assured the former was a good laugh together. Over a book of “man-bites-dog” type headlines of all things. For you it might be a good comedy DVD or some stand-up on cable or something else altogether. But if you can laugh together, you can most assuredly make good love, too.

Some people might be looking for recommendations for a specific food to turn a woman from a cautious lady to a raging sex machine. Oysters, chocolate, whatever. I don’t really know of any magic potion like that. A man’s careful and considerate attention works more wonders, in my experience. You can definitely do that by spoiling her with a good meal. Hope this helps all you folks who got here from a Google search for “good food for sex” ;-)

Next time: my thoughts on junk food porn and mom’s homemade erotica.

World’s Best Chocolate Frosting for Cupcakes, Sundaes and Sex

For those who might be interesting in sweetening your life, here’s the recipe for chocolate fudge frosting/sauce/body paint I spoke of in my interview on All Cupcakes, All the Time.

Combine in a heavy-bottomed saucepan:
1 cup sugar
1 6oz (3/4 cup) can evaporated milk
1/4 cup butter
1 egg, slightly beaten
Dash salt

Cook over moderate heat until mixture thickens and begins to boil, stirring frequently, about five minutes.

Add and stir to blend:
1 or 2 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped**
1 teaspoon vanilla

Cool thoroughly before spreading on cake, use immediately as sundae sauce. Cool to lukewarm for use as a body paint.

**Since this is a recipe from childhood, it tastes "right" to me with less chocolate, maybe 1 1/2 ounces, although with our modern appreciation of dark chocolate, the higher amount might suit the current taste better.

All Cupcakes, All the Time

I'm not sure if this entry relates to food, sex or writing...but the experience definitely got my juices flowing. Rachel Kramer Bussel, a great erotica writer and spicy sex columnist, also runs a drool-inducing blog called "All Cupcakes, All the Time." I actually go there for the pictures, not the articles--okay, it's a lie, I'm always on the lookout for pointers to new and exciting cupcake experiences the world over so I devour the reviews, interviews and recipes as well--but I also recently participated in the thoroughly enjoyable Cupcake Interview (mine is posted on March 11, 2006). It stirred up a lot of sweet memories for me, so you know, cupcakes can be more than just diet-breaking indulgence. Self-knowledge through cupcakes--don't knock it until you've sampled a few from the premier purveyors!

A Friday Night Three-way with E. Guittard

On Friday night my guys and I watched Wayne’s World and did another dark chocolate tasting to celebrate my older son’s acceptance into the middle school of his choice. The search was a simmering stressor all fall and winter and now we finally have a happy ending!

What better way to celebrate a happy ending than with a chocolate monoawase, this time with three different E. Guittard single origin chocolates? The first player was a repeat performer, the Chucuri Bittersweet in the dark green wrapper, country of origin Columbia. The official copy characterizes it as: “Long, deep, slow chocolate flavors are accented by pleasant hints of spice.” (I think you need to be over eighteen to read these descriptions). Next we tried Ambanja Bittersweet in the purple wrapper from Madagascar which “mingles tart essences with deep, rich chocolate flavor.” The third entry was Sur del Lago Bittersweet from Venezuela in which “complex chocolate flavors underlie subtle hints of red berry fruit.”

I actually enjoyed this tasting more than the previous one, probably because it seemed easier to focus on the flavors, given they were all the same 65% cacao and all from the same producer. This time we did not have a generation war, interestingly enough. My younger son stayed true to his first choice in the earlier tasting, the Chucuri, but the Dauphin switched his allegiance to the Sur del Lago. That came in first for my husband and me as well. It was definitely the most complex of the three—I tasted green tea undertones, my husband described it as hints of coffee. My husband thought the Ambanja and Chucuri tied for second place, with a slight edge to the Ambanja, if pressed. My older son and I put the Chucuri in second place and the Ambanja third. They were all quite nice, but the Madagascar chocolate was less distinctive and sweeter than the others, rather like good-quality chocolate I use for glazes. The Chucuri was still very earthy and forward, but in comparison to the Ambanja, it definitely had more depth, so I gained a new appreciation for the character of the “green one.”

Friday night chocolate tastings are getting to be a ritual around our house. They are definitely educational—a good way to practice the fine art of translating sensation into words. I hope my sons' wives/lovers appreciate this early training in talking about feelings!

So You Want to Write Erotica?

When I first started writing seriously, oh, about nine years ago come April, I didn’t set out to specialize in erotic fiction, although sex and relationships were always of great interest to me—and I never seemed to be able to write a story without at least one sex scene! I often heard otherwise accomplished writers say they were afraid to write sex or they couldn’t do it well and I assumed I would face those same obstacles because sex was somehow inherently difficult to translate onto the page. And it is, of course. But somehow I ended up publishing more erotic fiction than the “serious” stuff, perhaps because I find sex so much fun to write. A heck of a lot more fun than a dissertation or an essay on a parent’s death, that’s for sure. These days, although I still consider myself a beginning writer, people occasionally ask me for “advice” on how to write erotica. I don’t really have advice, but the other day on my morning two-mile walk, I was mulling over a few writer-to-writer ideas I thought I’d share on my blog. After all, it has been a while since I’ve done a writing-focused entry and I want to stay true to my title.

The first thing that occurred to me is that if you WANT to write erotica or good hot and/or honest sex scenes, then you’re more than halfway there. That desire will carry you far in terms of imagining the scenes and learning the tricks and finally doing the hardest work of all--edit, edit, edit. Plus, beyond the usual blocks to writing, sex brings along a lot of psychic baggage. Nice girls don’t have thoughts like this. Men are all sex-obsessed porn-addicts who think of nothing else but fucking anything that comes along. What will your mother think if you write about sex like you’ve actually had some, even if you’re forty and have been married for fifteen years and have three kids? Stuff like that. There will be moments when you’re sitting at the computer totally shocked and amazed that such images are coming from your fingers and that some day someone else might read them, even if it’s under a pseudonym. But the desire to do it and do it right will carry you through those moments of doubt. Telling the truth about sex is truly a noble endeavor, and one that’s not often attempted. Certainly not in the popular media which is where most of us get our messages.

Okay, on to more practical writing tips. In my early morning musings, I realized that I automatically do something now that wasn’t so automatic at the beginning. I put myself in a safe space to write sex, a place where I’m free to explore the shadows of my imagination. Many of the scenes and images I write do not end up in print, and I think it was all the more crucial in the beginning to feel safe in my experimentation. So, yes, lock yourself away from mom and the cops and your third-grade teacher and see what you discover. In the end, no matter how many stories you publish, no matter how many millions of dollars and fans you collect (more likely hundreds or dozens of both if we’re talking reality), the real treasure you’ll gain is a clearer vision of what turns you on and what sex means to you. And that’s something worth doing right there.

Wow, I’m such a cheerleader. You’d hardly know that I get depressed about writing at least every five minutes! But when the blues hit, it’s time to turn back to your erotica collection (you want to write it because you enjoy reading it, no?) and start reading it all over again. But this time you do it for work, not pleasure. You reread your favorite stories with the goal of learning all the tricks that make it soar. You can also read to learn what you don’t want to do. Long, poetic descriptions bore you? Cut them out of your work if you wander there. Dialogue turns you on? Put in a lot of hot, nasty repartee. All of the writing books I’ve read (and you’ll know from an earlier entry that I’m a how-to-write-book addict) say the best writing teacher is a great story. The same works for erotica, too.

Not that there aren’t special techniques that make for a successful (that is, published) erotic story. Some of the best advice I’ve read can be found in Susie Bright’s How to Write a Dirty Story. In particular, her discussion of writing orgasm was an eye-opener for me. While orgasm may be the climax of an actual sexual encounter, it seldom works that way in fiction. Who knew? I’d also add that a good erotic story does not fly from sex alone. Above all, you need freshness is language and scene, and the easiest and perhaps only way to do that is to have a good story as a foundation. You know, a plot with conflict, characters with personalities, a little mystery, a little something that goes wider and deeper than the story itself. It’s not always necessary to get your reader hot, but it doesn’t hurt. And editors seem to love it.

But there’s one other thing Susie said in her book that sticks in my memory and that is, it’s worth writing erotica even if you’re never published, even if you never intend to be published. Doing what you need to do to write hot erotica—which above all means paying attention to the sensations, scents, sounds and sights of sex—will enrich your life immeasurably. I wish you the best with the writing and the research!

Dark Chocolate Taste Test Reveals The Generation Gap is Alive and Well

It’s been a while since I’ve posted—we were in Tahoe for winter break doing a little winter sporting, but mostly dealing with strep throat and its complications. We’re all glad to be back home and healthy and to celebrate, we put on a dark chocolate tasting last night. My younger son just learned that dark chocolate is a Super Food and he thought it would be a good idea to do a comparative tasting.

The four chocolate bars we tasted were a fair-trade organic chocolate we bought through our progressive, socially-conscious Berkeley school and three from our local over-priced grocery store: Isis Luxury Belgian Dark Chocolate (70% cocoa); E. Guittard Chucuri Bittersweet (65%); and Lindt Excellence (70%).

The boys’ unanimous favorite was the Guittard because it was “more like milk chocolate” and “didn’t have a funny aftertaste.” (The extra 5% of milk and sugar apparently does make a difference). My younger son ranked the Isis next for its lighter taste and thought the fair trade and Lindt tied for third. My older son preferred the Lindt with a “fruity aftertaste,” followed by the Isis, with the fair trade coming in last.

My husband and I had just shared a bottle of 2003 Domaine Les Pallieres Gigondas, a lush, peppery Rhone treat from Kermit Lynch Wine Merchant, so perhaps it influenced our choices—unanimous for the older set on all four counts. Our favorite was the Isis because it seemed the most balanced and complex. The Lindt came second—smooth and multi-layered. The Guittard was our third choice because it seemed unbalanced and rather one-dimensional and overly forward in flavor, not surprising since the cocoa is from one region rather than a blend like the other two. The fair trade chocolate, which had seemed yummy enough when tasted alone, came out at the bottom with a rather harsh, earthy flavor. But we do appreciate that the small farmer got more of the profit out of this one. Really.

I’m thinking we might want to do a tasting with milk and semi-sweet chocolate, or perhaps an array of Guittard single region bars in the near future, because I suspect the bitterness of the 70% cocoa bars threw the results for the kids. Nothing like a good reason to taste more chocolate!

Soon to come, my thoughts on getting started writing sex scenes and erotica. It’s not as “hard” as it might seem.