I was going to continue my story about the French fireman on Friday, but some things came up, and then today I suddenly got the chance to "fly" when my son's friend got sick and slot opened up for his I-Fly birthday party (Youtube video to come--it was fun!). So I'm a bit behind in my emails and blogging, but it will happen, I promise! Thanks so much to everyone for your thought-provoking comments on "Men and Breasts." I was reminded very quickly that every woman has some vulnerability about her body, whether it's being ignored or getting too much of the wrong kind of attention. Men are not immune from humiliations either. You know, we are all in this together!Anyway, since today marks the beginning of August, I wanted to mention that I published two new columns over at the Erotic Readers and Writers Association. My Shameless Self-Promotion series continues with "Adventures in Cyberspace: Finding Balance, Branching Out" which explores more ways to use the Internet to promote your work, such as email discussion lists, author chats, writing columns or working as an Examiner journalist for a beat related to your book. Also check out the very valuable interviews with Brenna Lyons on author chats and many other topics and Sue Thurman on her experiences as an Arizona Examiner.
Cooking Up a Storey is especially sweet this month with a look at Erotic Alchemy: Fantasy Plus Reality Equals Pecan Bars. There's a great recipe for pecan bars (I'll be bringing a batch of these to Gettysburg) and a peek between the covers of Jack Morin’s The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment. Morin is a sex therapist, but he departs from the usual "enlightened" approach in his field that claims the key to a better sex life is merely to reduce inhibition and shame. Instead he acknowledges that guilt and shame and other "dark" emotions can enhance the erotic experience, although he also hopes we can overcome sex-negativity in our culture and embrace the joy of eroticism as well.
This observation really struck me when I first read it and now: “Many find it discomforting to tolerate the ambiguity of the erotic experience, to accept its mixed motivations, or to observe how the erotic mind has a habit of transforming one idea or emotion into another.” I would argue (and I do) that the mysterious change that takes place when real life material is reshaped in fantasy--for example, converting sexual shame to exhibitionism, humiliation to empowerment-- lies at the heart of what we do as writers, although perhaps more consciously than a "layman" indulging in sexual fantasy. I find it all so fascinating, but enough synopsis--go read the column!
6 comments:
The pecan bars look delicious. I can't wait!
The study of fantasy and reality blending in Cooking up a Storey was terrific. For me, writing erotica has always been about stretching limits, and widening my own perceptions. By doing so, I hope I can take the reader along for the ride.
Truly, the physical aspect is such a small part of the sum of erotic experience. It is so much more than just the physical sensations behind it; this is what makes erotica so much more powerful and compelling than porn.
Thank you!
Thanks for commenting, Craig. I agree with everything you say (including the part about the pecan bars).
I think we owe it to our readers to push ourselves, to take that extra step to examine more deeply things (namely, sexuality) our society tells us we should not really think or talk about. That's yet another difference between erotica and porn.
Can you tell where I stand on the question of whether there is a difference ;-)?
I loved reading these as usual, Donna! Even though I don't really have use for shameless self-promotion yet, I feel like if I ever do I will know so much more than I would have without what you've offered in your column. :) Thanks so much.
And beautifully written "Cooking up a Storey" column!
”However, Morin argues that the erotic experience is neither ‘sick’ nor ‘pure and beautiful.’”
And why woudl it be, since life wouldn’t likely be defined this way? Why would something so fundamental to life be extrapolat-able (I don't think that's a word, but whatever) into its own little box definition and categorization rather than a reflection of that to which it is so inherent, life?
Thanks!
As I was writing this in "What's Love Got To Do With It":
These qualities seem to be unifying factors that run throughout the work we share. There is depth and nuance, emotional connection. There is palpable character. There is recognition and often self awareness. If there isn’t HEA there is something thoughtful to be taken from the story. There is always story there that transcends the sex. There is often sexy playfulness. There is usually mutual respect. There is very little gratuitous sex. There is love of life, of sex and sensual pleasures.
I was thinking this Donna:
I think we owe it to our readers to push ourselves, to take that extra step to examine more deeply things (namely, sexuality) our society tells us we should not really think or talk about. That's yet another difference between erotica and porn.
and this Craig:
Truly, the physical aspect is such a small part of the sum of erotic experience. It is so much more than just the physical sensations behind it; this is what makes erotica so much more powerful and compelling than porn.
Your Cooking Up A Storey column whet my appetite for discovering more about understanding our motivation for erotic desire and fulfillment.
I don't know about you but I have always used writing as a path to self discovery and enlightenment and your column opened a new trailhead.
The pecan bars alas probably wouldn't stand up as trailbars so I'll enjoy them as I contemplate where I'm going with this.
So much deliciously insightful food for thought Donna, thank you.
Oh and so much useful info in Shameless Self Promotion. Next I think you should devote a column to BDSM, how to practice blissful bondage binding oneself to the chair to finish that story or novel.
Hey Emerald and Isabel,
Wow, I'm sort of reeling from your beautiful comments--just back from a basily barbecue.
Emerald, you are so right. Why do we want to simplify sex so much, make it black or white? Part of it could be that it is so powerful humanity is always looking to contain it, neuter it, but that never works, of course. It seems to me that seeing sexuality for what it is in all its complexity is really the only way to go. Of course, some try to simplify everything in life, but they pick on sex especially, don't they?
Yes, Isabel, my writing is always a means to self-discovery, no question about that. As a result, writing erotica has enriched my life (certainly more than my wallet) in incalculable ways. Reading thoughtful erotica and the great comments you quote here do the same. The paragraph you quote from "What's Love Got to Do With It" says it all. Even reading it again I was nodding and nodding!
Hmm, a "BDSM" column about writing and motivation. Maybe! After I finished "Shameless" I could do a series "Ass to the Chair" or something, lol.
Hahaha! Exactly Donna! Sort of Bound, Determined (to) Submit (that) Manuscript? I could sure use some motivation sometimes! ; )
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