Saturday, December 10, 2005

Penthouse, pt. 2: What turns women on?

Okay, so I'm back, much relieved I've wrapped all the presents (jeez, it takes a long time to do that!) and sent off all the Christmas boxes. The line at the post office wasn't even all that bad! My next installment in the saga of my lost Penthouse interview is the answers to the first question--what turns you on?

Looking over this, I can see why the first answers might be more appropriate to Glamour--although that magazine has gotten much racier since I read it regularly in college--but I'm sure you'll agree as you go down the list, the turnons turn into more what you'd expect from a woman who writes erotica (ah, but not often enough with all these holiday preparations). So, here they are, my "general turnons":

  • That little flicker in his eyes that tells me he likes what he sees
  • A warm smile (yes, cliched, but it works)
  • Genuine interest in me, asking questions and really listening to the answers and following up, making me feel like a desirable, interesting person
  • Nice, solid-looking, thick-fingered male hands (an aside here-apparently some guys are concerned about penis size. For me, unless it's too tiny to feel or too huge, which has actually been more of a problem for me because it hurts, the penis is so much less important than hands with sensitivity and stamina. His hands will make the difference between lame sex and great sex. Hand action, the way he uses them, is important, too. I find watching a man typing at a keyboard and clicking a mouse or playing a video game kind of suggestive!)
  • a sense the guy is good at what he does-this doesn't have to mean hugely rich and powerful and famous along those stereotypical terms. It could simply mean his passion is jazz and he knows a lot about the music, artists, etc. Again, this kind of passion and dedication can translate to good-in-bed
  • A guy with a good sense of humor (that is, one that matches mine, although I'm pretty open); if you can laugh together, you can have good sex!
  • IN BED, taking his time, the sense he sees this as a leisurely feast of the senses, not something to score as quickly as possible. Some guys are so hurried, sort of diving for the good stuff, you think they're afraid you'll get out of bed and walk out the door (which I've done, but I'll get to that later)
  • I'd say again, a genuine interest in the moment and a sense he's glad it's ME there in bed with him, more compliments about how lovely and sexy and desirable I am is a real turn-on. I like dirty talk but that really has to be saved for later in the relationship. If used too early-the first few times-it is threatening. But a deep sexy voice engages my mind and it seems women do need a fuller engagement of their heads to have really good sex.
  • A guy who shows some appreciation of what I do for him, don't go overboard into theatrics, but some genuine murmurs of pleasure, a couple of moans and gasps of appreciation are a turn-on and make me feel like a contributor. Guys don't have to be strong and silent in bed. I'm pretty vocal about what I like and my partners always seem to enjoy that, but I enjoy positive feedback, too.
  • Guys who say-and show-that the woman's pleasure is the biggest turn-on for them. Sadly there is still so much anti-sex feeling and teaching in our society, especially with a new partner, a woman usually feels she has to hold back. We carry a lot of baggage about our sexuality STILL, alas, so to be accepted and appreciated for that, not judged, is a turn-on and will lead to more and better sex.
  • Especially the first time, it is so sexy when a guy asks what gives me pleasure. Usually with the breasts and neck and deep kissing you can go as you feel, it's the clitoris that needs operating instructions. The request is better if it is slightly indirect "show me how you like to be touched/show me how you like it/what feels good" rather than "I want to watch you masturbate" (a first time line that really gave me a jolt). On the other hand, too much asking disturbs the mood. But really, it shouldn't be expected that a man just KNOWS about that very individual part of my body-yet so few men did ask for a proper introduction!
  • I like being on top, it is the quickest way for me to come. Early on, especially when I was in college, etc. I needed encouragement to try this and to take over with rhythm and pacing, so a guy who is comfortable with lying back and sharing the director's job is a turn-on.

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